My Tip On Tipping

Those who know me – those who have read all the stories prior to this one – know that this platform isn’t about whining and complaining about all the stuff that raises my dander. If it was, the whining and complaining stories would most surely outnumber the positive, motivational stories two or three fold – not really my thing.

Along about here, you are probably expecting the big “BUT.” Nope, no BUTs (no BUTTs either). The challenge therefore being, that before the last period in this story, I have got to turn a negative into a positive. I think I can, I think I can.

In the previous story – Be The Reason – I mentioned that Judy and I had just celebrated our 56th wedding anniversary. Well, the week right afterwards, we celebrated Judy’s birthday. (For obvious reasons, I will refrain from divulging the number of birthdays Judy has had.)

I’ll not mention its name, but we went to one of those upscale restaurants that had “hooked us” with their recent advertising campaign. One of the items on their menu harkened us back to a trip we had taken many, many years ago. Whereupon, I made our reservations.

Unfortunately, that celebratory meal validated the phrase, “You can’t go home again.” Perhaps that realization will be the subject of a future story. Right now I have to get working on turning a negative into a positive – hopefully in a thousand words or less.

When the bill came, as is often the case, it included the gentle reminder of how much, in dollars and cents, the tip would be for the customary fifteen, twenty, and twenty-five percent.

And there it was, staring me in the face. The twenty percent tip for this meal was about three times as much as we usually tip. Yes, three time as much as we usually tip our favorite waitresses. Ouch, I said to myself as I was confronted with the most obvious of realizations.

If our bill is three times as much as our usual bill, then the dollars and cents of our usual twenty percent tip is also three time as much. Duh. I complied with that friendly reminder and left the appropriate dollars and cents (rounded up, of course) for our customary twenty percent tip.

Over the next several days I wandered about the house, wincing over this “fact of life” that truly made no sense. Was the waitress who placed this upscale meal before us performing her duties three times better than our favorite waitresses? Did she confirm that everything tasted good and did she top off our water glasses three times better than our favorite waitresses? Did she warm my heart and put a spring in my step like our favorite waitresses? Nope, nope, and NOPE.

And therein lays the negative. A waitress in an upscale restaurant can provide the same level of service, and can even provide a lesser level of service, as do our favorite waitresses and yet she can pocket a considerable “bonus.” Ouch, once again.

Clearly our favorite waitresses deserve a raise – one for which I will be providing my fair share. Clearly waitstaff in upscale restaurants receive a substantial “raise” simply because of the price of the meals they serve.

And clearly the criteria for establishing tipping guidelines are more than a little bit wonky. That said, guidelines are merely guidelines. Some customers will follow these guidelines. Some will tip more. Some will tip less. And some won’t tip at all.

As for Judy and I, we will tip from our heart. Not based upon the price of the meal but instead, based upon the level of service. And none do a better job than our favorite waitresses.

I may have to start writing on the ticket: “The meal was fine and the service was fine. However, I cannot justify a 3X tip for the same service provided for a meal costing a third the price.” (Perhaps I’ll have this printed onto a small card that I can leave with my signed check.) Then again, as mentioned earlier, that three-times-the-price splurge seldom lives up to your expectation. Why go in the first place?

And if we really want to celebrate the special occasion, there is no better way of doing so than with the warm smile and awesome service from one of our favorite waitresses. Especially when we can do so three times for the same price as a single “You can’t go home again” meal.