I Am Dying – You Are Dying
I take pride in the fact that my stories are typically positive and mostly uplifting. Regrettably, this story took a wrong turn in Albuquerque and has strayed a bit from that self-imposed rule. That said, if you are in a positive, uplifting mood, I suggest you reserve this story for another day. If you feel the need to commiserate, perhaps this is the story for you – just be forewarned.
When Judy and I moved into our 55+ gated community there was one (actually, I am sure there was far more than one) underlying circumstance that we hadn’t considered. The “duh reality” (a term I just invented) was, we were moving into a neighborhood full of old people – some very old.
Granted fifty-five is the new thirty-five and when we moved into the park we were only 65ish. Those first few years, we were often teased at being “young pups” or some other similar metaphor. But that was ten years ago, we are slowly reaching the median, and here we are, with far more years behind us than in front of us.
Last year (2024) sixteen of our neighbors died. Some of those deaths came as no surprise, while some came out of left field, without the smallest of warnings. I suspect that some knew their “time” was long overdue and I imagine that some truly believed that this too (whatever ailed them) shall pass.
While I didn’t know all sixteen of those who died in 2024, I did know about half of them on a more than casual basis. And each year, since we moved here in 2014, the annual number of residents who have passed away and the average number of those who I knew more than casually are very similar to those of 2024. That’s a lot of dying for a small neighborhood.
So, what about the circumstance that I hadn’t contemplated before moving into this small neighborhood full of old people? Yep, no doubt you guessed it. The impact their death – the death of each and every one of them – would have on me.
Some I didn’t know really well, some I didn’t know for very long, and some I knew far more about, after reading their obituary. But all their deaths affected me in ways I had never considered for a moment – ways in which I was unprepared. Every one of their deaths reminded me that I too am dying. I was far more saddened by their passing than I ever expected I would be. And every day, day by day, I too am closer to death.
Now, it’s easy to dismiss all this death and dying stuff, especially if you are still in your prime – however you define “your prime.” But the fact remains, the older you get, the more difficult it is to ignore the obvious. You too are dying.
Then again, age is of little significance. The recent tragic shooting in Las Cruces in which three people died and fifteen were injured makes that fact of life crystal clear. All the rules of fair play go unheeded when you find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time. A place and a time that were only known to be wrong after the damages were done.
If you are suspecting that any moment now I am going to start reciting the lyrics of a Garth Brooks song relax, I can assure you, I am not. And if you read my story Before I Go, then you already know that I am going to pretty much continue living my life, each and every day, the way that I have lived my life, each and every day thus far.
Nonetheless, each time I reflect upon another neighbor who is no longer among us, I will be filled with sadness. Each time I contemplate the realization that there is nothing we can do to avoid being in the wrong place at the wrong time I will be filled with overwhelming sadness. We all should be.
It helps to write about it. It helps to talk about it. But only just a little bit. The sadness and the pain are, and will always be, still there. And those that are gone will forever be missed – neighbors, family members, friends, and sometimes perfect (and imperfect) strangers. What’s more, just when the sadness and the pain of their passing have faded, something said or something seen will once more trigger their memory and the hole their death has left behind. And I will morn their passing one more time.